M-2-M – 2013/Oct/31

This is a journal of the moment to moment practice of a modern day Shaman.
These tools help me embrace what is and express myself with integrity being for something and against nothing.

The Situation:
This is the morning of the first “official” 13 Weeks to Awakening book signing. I feel tired and pretty sick. My nose is running like a tap, my lungs are itchy, hot and cold flushes are coming through in waves and the temptation to hide is strong.

Before opening my eyes, I’m already running mental stories about what caused this. I felt it coming yesterday and didn’t take extra care to nurture the body. Could it have been caused by walking in the cold wind, allergies or sleeping topless? The truth is that I don’t know. The only thing that matters is what I can do now! My mind is filled with a spattering of stories: some resenting the sickness, others highlighting the importance of this day and all the plans around it. In these first waking minutes, I see this internal turmoil for what it is and ask:

  • What am I feeling now?
  • What is the gap between the input from the environment and what I’ve created with these stories?
  • Are these stories based on fact?
  • Are these stories serving me?
  • Can I fully feel and accept what is happening now?
  • With honesty, presence and an open heart, can I do my best with the gifts I’ve been given?

I really don’t know how feeling sick will affect my day.
I do know that it will all turn out exactly as it turns out.

The Practice:
The symptoms are easing as I stay in bed and sit with my experience for a few minutes. I feel clearer after lighting some sage for a heavy morning smudge.

Clarity, perspective and flow has become the moment to moment practice of the day. A walking meditation of intense presence and surrender to the unknown, trusting it is all more perfect than this mind could understand. I’m naturally slowing down, breathing deeper and feeling for integrity. It’s clear that my decisions are simple and don’t need to be made now. If I needed nasal spray I will use it. If it feels too contagious I’ll cancel, and if I go ahead with the signing I’ll serve with all I have. I feel, love what is, have a choice and trust that it’s all perfect.

The urges are strong today, I want to honour them and feel them fully while asking these questions with absolute honesty:

  • Is this in alignment with integrity?
  • Is this nurturing the body’s health?

Warm stodgy food feels like too much work for the stomach. While tempting, sugar and sex both feel like weakening the immune system. I felt that a cigarette would have a clearing effect, but at too great a cost. All of these urges feel like hiding, contracting and seeking safety through self sabotage or running away. I also feel drawn to light vegetable meals, ginger, outdoor walks, meditation and sleep. These feel in strong alignment with the body’s health. Going ahead with these validates the feeling of integrity. I feel invigorated after a one hour power nap and a few hours split between sitting and walking meditation.

The Dance:
As I start walking to the bookstore, my breath is deep, I feel strong and vibrant. I’m very aware of my senses, and my smile is wide with enthusiasm to share. I’m floating in the rich symphony of sensation that is present moment awareness.

It’s a casual get together, a perfect blend of meditation, information on 13 Weeks and discussion of our own experience. I am beaming and full of energy after a beautiful signing with an amazing group. In search for dinner, James and I stumble across some good friends and spend the rest of the night sharing stories, laughing and then signing some more books.

I’m eternally grateful for this moment to moment practice of integrity awareness meditation: Perspective and willingness to love each moment for exactly what it is.

Feel – Love – Choose – Trust  ~ shmn



  1. says:

    Getting those types of symptoms can be from travelling on planes, My Advise wear a face mask on planes, i always end up with Chest Infections after travelling, if it is not that they you are run down, Do you take courses of Vitamins, I take Centrum for woman, you can get Centrum from men , or to start you off get Centrum Advance, they have everything you need in the, you take them for a month then take a month off then take them again, you will find a big difference in Energy and Health, also Drink plenty of Bottled water, not tap, it could be all the change of Countries different Temperatures. Take care of your Health, Your health is your Wealth they say. Talk Soon Ash

    • Thanks for the tips Ash,

      It could have been caused by a lot of things, it’s something that only peaked for a few hours and then passed.
      I haven’t used vitamin pills for a while, rather eating a balanced diet of fresh, organic and fairly vegan food.
      I appreciate the insights and will keep an eye on how my vitamin and sleep intake feels.

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