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“An Update!” by Josh Kane

Hey
It’s Josh
This is what’s happening:

I have chosen to hold off on posting this week’s episode because it feels like, upon listening, that I have talked entirely too much about concepts that are only somewhat related to my own true experience. I was giving advice, offering technical practices and attaching some expectations to them around the little details of enlightenment.

Who knows what will wake anyone up… It’s not my place to tell you how you will feel from doing something. It is my belief that credibility depends on one’s actions being fully aligned with one’s speech. I; WE, do our best.

We accepted when we first started this, Ian and I, that we would be authentic to the best of our ability. We would be vulnerable and open to the best of our ability. And like the constitution of the united states, we would be a fixed object like a new river, with the ability to change and adapt to what will certainly be, just by flowing and letting the bedrock below do its thing. Make space.

We travel, still reaching out and connecting across thousands of miles, through thousands of seconds of stillness, hoping we’ll be present enough where we are at to one day fall helpless into the arms of Mother Earth and Father Sky. LA, CT, AU, UK, CA, NY… Step by step, we have seen this journey come so far, pouring wide open so we can feel empty… That emptiness of being fulfilled by the knowing that we have done all we can.

Remembering at last, with no hope of forgetting ever again, that we are eternal.

We are planning a trip to Italy to do some workshops in August, and that’s exciting for both of us. We are doing our best to keep up with everything. We imagine you are too, whoever you are.

Thanks for listening to my little check-in. I miss sharing so much with so many people at once, even though it’s so scary. To be seen by you, and wonder what you think, breathe through that, and then try my best to stay present with how it feels to be who I am, whether i understand or not, whether I try or I don’t. It’s all happening just right, otherwise it would’t and we would all do something else.

Maybe you agree. maybe not. Maybe you are still growing, like me, and that feels good. It feels true. Thanks for letting me into your world. You’re welcome in mine anytime… with boundaries, I would hope.

Aho

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The Double-D : ‘End Search’

Dis-Comfort.

Dis-Cussion.

Dis-Tance.

 

I moved from Los Angeles, CA to Westport, Connecticut last December.  Before I left, I was in a monogamous relationship with a woman.  My decision to leave came with some heavy consequences. Specifically, our relationship coming to an end.

I wasn’t sure who decided it was over.  I wasn’t sure about anything, really.  I get messages from God about all kinds of things.  Usually, it’s something like a melody or a poem, but when God told me to leave LA and go be with my family, I had no idea what to do, or how to say “No, I have a girlfriend.  I have a career.  I have a life here, and I don’t want to go.”   Those thoughts became questions in my mind, and God responded, quietly:

“You will go because your family is the reason there is a You to have a girlfriend, a career and a life.  They will be gone someday…gone to a place that only memories can touch.  Choose wisely.”  Pretty awesome advice, huh?  All religions aside, God is my homey.

Anyways, I gave in to my fears and trusted the message.  I told myself that the move changes nothing.  I’ll still be the drummer for Uh Huh Her; still be a producer and poet and songwriter; still have my dance family connections in LA to come visit and keep in touch with.  AND!!  I’ll be close to my family.

The only thing that seemed to really change, was us.

She blocked me on Facebook, and when I reach out to her she is cold and distant.  I get it, and it also hurts.  I’ve googled her name and done image searches when I feel alone and wishing things were different.  It’s a strange feeling, looking back via Google searches on a relationship because I’ve been blocked on social networks.

Synchronicity being what it is, and hearts being what they are, life brought someone back into my life who used to hold the space at my side JUST as I’m in the middle of this enormous life shift/break-up/family awakening. And saying all the things a guy really wants to hear.  Naturally, I’ve gone online to look at her pictures too, and wonder about the meaning of it all…

End Search.  You are not your picture.  You are no longer alive in that frozen moment.  All your beliefs, your smell, your direction, every hair on your head is something new and different now.  Those moments are gone.  Somewhere you are making new frozen moments, like popsicles.  I can’t just move on and forget, and I don’t wanna fill the space with anything except time…

even though, not-so-secretly, I do.

 

 

~ rckstr

 

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The Double D – 1/7/14 – ‘Skannecticut’

PUSH PLAY TWICE, one at a time, for extended DRUM SOLO SOUNDS via IPHONE VOICE RECORDER.  IGNORE these tags: SOUND QUALITY and tuning/hihat distortion, if you can.  :-)

I’m noticing myself not wanting to explain my playing any more.  You’ll hear what you hear, and that’s the subject of this blog.

A new piece…many new pieces of myself

finding their way into my drums, and coming alive

Am I scared?  Do I know YET!!!!!!!!??????????

 

Here’s what I know:

I am gearing up to release A LOT of music.  It’s that time.

I played drums today and them there recordings up thurr’z what it sounded like on the floor inside an iPhone.

These words, right now, came through some struggle.  Looking at the computer, sitting and translating the thought process AS I AM ASKING MYSELF not to look at thoughts…analysis.  I wanna be as the music is now.  Always, now.  Part of the rhythm, above the chaos of struggle and unresolved fears or negative emotions.  For some reason, typing and computers are out of that flow for me.

And, not above it in the sense that there is lack of compassion.  Above it as a high C is above a low C, and the two notes can vibrate at the same time.  like many drums hitting all at the same time, thoughts can be a barrage.  Constant explanation and analysis, and for what?  Just to survive, and hopefully not eat nuclear fish and broccoli, or be killed by traffic of Melrose, rebel forces or one of our own law enforcement officials simply for saying kindly, “No!  I am above having a conversation like this with you, and you are too!!”    Everyone’s got their story, their past.  We need to see each other as brand new and UNLEARN habits that guide us to attach stories to the other person.  More on this some other time….

 

voice in motion at a high vibration in my mind, meaning it is making sound(sense)in my bodymind as an intention…the feeling of it, the smell and sense of it, everything.  I replace the drummer with the voice of THAT AFTER I am certain the input signal for the voice is running from the HEART.  and it reminds me to push my frequency upwards in octaves so that I may rest in a higher vibration and still be (moment to moment) in or out of total harmony with what’s happening.  Good or bad.  Always focused on unison, trust is the purpose guiding our step.

Great connection made today between analysis and judgement, related to how we show up and serve in the moment.  As Peter might say, “make an offer to the other person, and say yes!”  Still learning…so much.  Thanks Grace!

I’m running a contest to do a bit of promo for a book of poetry I completed recently.  I would have made an event page on fb by now, however I am pretty much only using Facebook for upkeep.  Listen to the recent episode, “Meditation, Pt.4″ and the track that comes in between the intro talking and the meditation has a sampled dialogue from a movie between a boy, an officer and an old man.  Tell me, what is it they refer to as ‘a young man’s game’?  Bonus points if you provide some theory as to why the sample is relevant to our work.

(Note To Self and others: Finish Your Book.  Get Your Book Copyrighted.  Time is not for wasting! {Manly P. Hall})

A Daily Discomfort, hence the name Double D.  Yet, I have been far from daily in much else but the word of music.  Inward is a slippery slope friends.  in meditation where the closest I come to silence is some duration of total.stillness. not even a breath. the rhythm of the moment, that voice is becoming a drum set.  And when actual drums are in front of me, you can hear the voice, in my head, at that moment and make absolutely ZERO mistake as to what I am saying, in LIFE.  At That moment, knowing occurs between us.

story.  :-) That whole personal perspective is based on conditioned patterns of decision making.

You, me, and the drummer makes free tonight.

discomfort feels good when there’s other places it can live in that moment besides my chest or lungs or toes.  Maybe it lives in my snare drum, or in my bike, or cooking a delicious meal.  Calling up some friends and just enjoying knowing each other in peace.  Encouraging each other to keep learning….keep teaching…..

 

Please check out the latest episode.  It’s some of our best work yet.  Thank you Aish for your response in the contest, and Ian for all your hard work and consistently generous and dynamic teachings.

 

May all that has been shared between us today be for the benefit of both of us and all those involved, for the next seven generations to come.  Aho.

~rckstr

 

 

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